“I had wanted to be the reservoir where engines and people drank, blood sperm music pouring out and getting hooked in someone’s ear. The way flowers were still and fed bees. And we took from the others too this way, music that was nothing till Mumford and Lewis and Johnson and I joined Cornish and made him furious because we wouldn’t let him even finish the song before we changed it to our blood. Cornish who played the same note the same way every time who was our frame, our diving board that we leapt off, the one we sacrificed so he could remain the overlooked metronome.” (112)
When Buddy came back, he wanted to help people, be a source of happiness, knowledge, and the discovery of music in a completely different way. He wanted to be seen as an endless supply of melody, like a music reservoir, and to touch people and make them forever remember the way he played jazz. He wanted to be himself, and without doing anything out of the ordinary, always being there for people with his music, just "[t]he way flowers were still and fed bees." (112).
The same thing is being said about other people, about how Buddy and his friends used Cornish as a personal music source by transforming it into what they thought it represented in their lives even before he had finished the song.
Even though Buddy wanted to be (or at least said he did) someone who others could lean on for support, according to him it ended up being Cornish who set a pace and a routine to follow in order to maintain their rationality. Cornish would "play the same note the same way every time," bringing all his band members back to reality every night, making sure they still knew why they did what they did.
Cornish also served as a major boost for the band every night, helping them jump out into their imaginations but making sure they would come safely down to their feet. His personal development was "sacrificed" in order for them to be able to live their life to the fullest without the fear of getting lost in the way.
This quote is a very stable thing to say, and from it we could infer that Buddy Bolden has a great, down-to-earth future in which he spends his last days playing jazz and taking care of his kids. However, that is not the case. The urge for being good and "hooking people" into his music, as well as Cornish's sacrifice were all for nothing, taking into account that Buddy ended up schizophrenic.
Anyway, from this quote we can see that the most important thing for Buddy Bolden was his jazz, all the music, and he wanted the rest of the world to appreciate it as much as he did. He knew he wouldn't change who he truly was, but he had his hopes up that being who he is, he would infect people with his music and raise a passionate love for what he did in other people. He could only rest calmly knowing that Cornish was up to the same goal, and was being successful.
Even though Buddy went crazy and had a rollercoaster of a life, he did know what his priorities were, and he put music above it all, which allowed him to become the amazing jazz player he now is known to be.
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